LETTER TO EVERY WOMAN ~ Precious Victor Akah

A teenage boy confessed to me that he is battling with masturbation, and any time he sees an open cleavage of a woman, the urge to masturbate comes on him very strongly and he most times cannot resist the urge.

This is a teenage boy bold enough to open up to someone because he desperately wants help. A lot of teenage boys - adults even - are having similar experience but are not willing to open up to anyone because of shame; some feel they can handle it on their own without an accountability partner or external help.

When he confessed this to me, I had great compassion on him and that stirred me up to write this blog post. As you're reading this, you're probably thinking as a woman, why don't he face his studies and leave social media or why don't he take his eyes off when he sees an exposed cleavage and focus on something else? 

Well, that's a good advice, thank you ma'am, but ma'am, can I ask you a personal question, why are you still doing certain things you know you shouldn't be doing right now? Why are you still going late to work? Why are you still engaging in secret sins you know you shouldn't be found in as a Christian woman? Why are you still cohabiting and having sex with that brother? Why are you still watching porn secretly? Why are you still telling lies? Why are you still nagging your husband? You're struggling to stop, right? Of course I know. That's exactly how these teenage boys and a good chunk of men out there are also struggling to take their eyes off from such images.

"When a woman dresses appropriately and in modesty, she's not hiding herself from men but revealing her dignity to them." Elizabeth Yemisi Ajibola 

I know they should try their best to flee from such temptations. I know they're required to avoid the triggers, but ma'am, there is something you can do to help them. Yes, there is something God expects you to do to help them so they don't have to constantly face such temptations.

What is it? LOVE THEM. You remember the divine instruction to love your neighbour? Yeah, that's just what they need from you. God instructs us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.

If you love these young boys and young men, you'll not want to contribute to their struggle. You'll not want to be the source of their temptation. You'll not want to be the reason they keep falling into sexual sin every now and then. 

It is selfishness (absence of love for your neighbor) that makes a woman walk around in public or post pictures and videos of herself on social media with exposed cleavage, stomach and thighs knowing the effect it has on both young and grown up men. 

“Even a woman considered unattractive, will be deemed ATTRACTIVE by a godly man, if her physical & spiritual attire exemplifies nobility, modesty, discretion, wisdom, beauty, elegance, simplicity, and refinement.” Brittney Oputa

Ma'am, did you know that your breasts were fashioned by God to satisfy only ONE MAN - the man you marry, not all men? See it in Proverbs 5:18-19: "Your sex life will be blessed as you take joy and pleasure in the wife of your youth. Let her breasts be your satisfaction, and let her embrace intoxicate you at all times. Be continually delighted and ravished with her love!" (TPT). Those breasts were not created or given to you (the size notwithstanding) to be used as a tool to oppress men and abuse teenage boys. They're meant to seduce and satisfy only your husband, not to provoke all men to lust. Don't say, oh, my breasts are not that big, so I can wear anything and no one will be hurt. So far as you have breasts, please cover it properly and uncover it for your husband only.

"When you realize you're a queen, you'll always dress in your royal apparel and let your aura introduce you." Sharon Kalu

I live in a country where the predominant religion is Buddhism, yet, it is uncommon to see their women walk around with open cleavage and highly seductive wears. It is rare. But it is so painful that in many nations where Christianity is practiced and modest dressing encouraged as an instruction from the Holy Bible, a lot of teenage girls, single ladies and married women who claim to be Christians walk about almost naked in the name of fashion - all in a bid to feel attractive and attract attention - forsaking the command of God to love one's neighbor. It is a very shameful thing.

Aunties, sisters, mothers, teenage girls, we beg you in God's Name to cover your body and dress decently. You can show off your 'sexy body' to your husband, flaunt your cleavage/breasts at him and dress to seduce him at home. But once you're stepping out of your home or about to pick up your phone to take a picture/video you'll post on social media, always remember that there is a teenage boy or a young man somewhere trying their best to live a sexually pure life, or secretly battling with (lust, porn addiction, masturbation, fornication...), that'll set eyes on you or on your picture and you don't want to toughen their challenge and make it harder for them to break free from these vices.

"Don't change to fit the dress, change the dress to fit you. Don't change to fit the style, change the style to fit you. You can be decent and attractive." Sunday Chidinma Millicent 

Remember Jesus' warning in Matthew 18:7, "Misery will come to the one who lures people away into sin. Troubles and obstacles to your faith are inevitable, but great devastation will come to the one guilty of causing others to stumble!." (TPT) Don't invite misery and devastation unknowingly into your life this year. If you live in love, misery and devastation will stay off. Selfishness attracts sorrow. Hatred attracts misery.

Whether you believe it or not, as a woman, your dressing - how you appear in public or on social media - is either encouraging a young boy/man to live sexually pure or it is instigating them to engage in sexual immorality and go deeper in sin. Even if you don't want to dress to please God or you think God doesn't deserve your obedience to His instruction to dress modestly, have compassion and pity on these boys and men struggling with sexual immorality - desperately seeking freedom. The torment of indulgence in sexual immorality is agonizing and torturous. You want to pray, guilt is standing as a hindrance. You want to read the Bible, shame overwhelms you. Some just completely give up on living holy and having a relationship with God. Ma'am, please have compassion. And, if you're a soul winner, you don't want to lose the same souls you're winning or another Christian is winning back to the devil through sexual immorality caused by your indecent dressing.

"The way you dress is an expression of your personality." Queen Esther Unabunwa Okoye

Moreover, ma'am, do you know you're unconsciously sowing seeds you'll not love to reap the harvest by dressing provocatively? Everything we do are seeds, and they'll bear fruit, for God's Word promises that seed time and harvest shall never cease as long as the earth remains. You don't want your daughter, sister, niece, cousin, friend to be a victim of any kind of sexual abuse, so, stop sowing seeds of sexual abuse by abusing teenage boys and oppressing male adults with your open cleavage, breasts, thighs, stomach and other alluring parts of your body. Begin now to sow good seeds in order to reap a desired harvest.

You know I was thinking, we all complain about the continuous increase in rape cases globally, and some of my gender curse these rapists and paedophiles, but what we don't realize is that a lot of young girls, teenagers, and women are victims of the selfishness of their fellow women. 

How do I mean? When a loose man lacking self-control sees a woman indecently dressed with open cleavage, thighs and breasts and gets immediately aroused, he may not be able to satisfy his lust on that woman - maybe because he only saw her pictures on social media or maybe he can't walk up to her and go to bed with her willingly or forcefully. 

So what do some of these men do in that moment they're very high? Some would masturbate or quickly use the service of a prostitute or their sex partner, why some would go to another female they can overpower or take advantage of, to pour out their lust, maybe a neighbor's daughter, the house help, their own sister/niece/cousin, or a young women walking across the street (who is even decently dressed) and forcefully sleeps with her. What has just happened? This girl, child or woman has become a victim of another woman's provocative dressing. 

This is why a decently dressed woman does get raped. And some who didn't know what actually aroused the man ab initio would erroneously conclude that raping has nothing to do with how a woman is dressed. But from what I explained, you can see it does in most cases. Not all cases because there are many things that can arouse a man aside provocative dressing. But provocative dressing plays a significant part.

No sane man (I believe) would wake up in the morning and plan to rape a random woman that day. Our actions are always triggered by something, often our emotions. And men are aroused by what they see. So most of these rapists must have seen something somewhere - pornographic videos, nude pictures, women wearing revealing clothes etc...that either ignited or fueled the passion in them to have sex with any woman forcefully.

I know we like to put all the blame on men - the rapists. But we have an indispensable role to play in halting this mayhem as women.

"You can't be selfish in your dressing as a woman and expect men not to be selfish in their actions."

If you're considerate of others in your dressing, you will not give men the room in the first place to be inconsiderate. Because many men today still believe and proclaim that the reason women get sexually assaulted is because they're indecently dressed. So, let's stop dressing indecently and they'll not have the excuse of indecent dressing to give. This change starts with you, ma'am. Don't wait for your neighbor or friends to start, start and they'll join you when they see the change in you and the reason for your change of dressing. Do this for your loved ones because of the unchanging law of sowing and reaping.

So, when next you want to dress up and go out, what do you first ensure? You make sure you don't wear what can implicate another woman or a girl child. If you're selling indecent clothes as a source of livelihood, you know you need to stop - the Holy Spirit must have been telling you this before now. And if you're sewing indecent clothes for people as a tailor, respond positively now to the nudging of the Holy Spirit to do what is right henceforth.

Walk in love and love your neighbor. Remember that it is not all about you. Don't be selfish, but be considerate of others.

I leave you with this scripture:

"Don’t be interested only in your own life, but care about the lives of others too." Philippians 2:4 ERV

"Abandon every display of selfishness. Possess a greater concern for what matters to others instead of your own interests."Philippians 2:4 TPT

If this has transformed your mindset and blessed you, share it with women around you. Sow this seed of love for your future and that of your seed.

Stay blessed.

Also check out this post: THE ATTRACTIVENESS OF DECENT DRESSING