SINGLE VS MARRIED ~ Precious Victor Akah

Before getting married, I received this counsel severally from married women: ENJOY YOUR SINGLE YEARS; AFTER MARRIAGE, YOU MAY NOT HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO DO SOME OF THE THINGS YOU MAY WANT TO DO BECAUSE OF INCREASED RESPONSIBILITIES. I thought I understood that statement, but now that I am married, I have a clearer, better and deeper understanding of that piece of advice. Most single ladies today will hear this counsel and immediately trash it. But if you're a wise person, you will take it serious.

Please note that we're not saying that whatever you fail to achieve or do while single, you may not or will never be able to do it again after marriage, no, that's not what we're saying. This is what we're saying: as a single person, you have more time and more freedom now to do whatever you want to do, go wherever you want to go, eat whatever you want to eat, and spend your time however you choose. But once you're married, especially as a Christian woman who want to obey Christ by being a submissive and respectful wife, you may not have the luxury of time and the maximum (limitless) freedom to do whatever you want to do or go wherever you want to go. 

Your time will be divided. Your attention will be divided. Your energy will be divided. Anytime your husband needs you, you cannot but leave whatever you're doing to attend to him. Whenever he needs food, you have to pause whatever you're doing to prepare food and serve him. You can't go wherever you want to go without letting your spouse know and having their permission. 

As a single person, this is the perfect time to write the book you want to write, explore the things you want to explore, travel or visit places you desire to visit, because once you become someone's wife, your responsibilities immediately increase and your freedom is held in check.

But it is quite unfortunate that while unmarried people need to enjoy their youth (in a godly manner and way), many are busy lamenting and sorrowing over the fact that they're yet to be married. Once you leave your single years, you can not go back to it. So it is one of the precious seasons of your life you need to relish and thank God for, not a season you should spend in weeping and sorrow, saying, "God, when?" It is not a season you should be hasty to leave.

Marriage is sweet, but your responsibilities increase tremendously, especially as a Christian woman, after marriage. And funny enough, though your responsibilities increase, your time does not specially increase; you still have the same 24 hours unmarried people have to do all that you're supposed/required to do.

While unmarried, this was my thought about men generally: ALL MEN ARE NOT THE SAME. As opposed to what some women (especially women with terrible experiences from men) think about all men being the same. But few years after being married, this is what I discovered: ALL MEN ARE THE SAME IN SOME AREAS AND ALL MEN ARE NOT THE SAME IN CERTAIN AREAS.

Let me explain: All men are not the same in values, principles, character, thinking, physical appearance, and attributes.... But all men are the same in terms of their basic needs (physical needs, emotional needs, psychological needs, sexual needs...) For instance, all men love and need RESPECT. All men have ego. All men need sex and doesn't joke with it. Most men need a wife that will be their friend (who they can gist with). And all men naturally love good food.

Whether a man is born again or not, their need for sex is the same. Their need for respect and honor is the same. They all have ego. They all love good food. They need and love being praised and commended. So if you're thinking as a Christian lady that getting married to a man who is born again and Spirit-filled means his needs are different and you do not have to do much to please him, please discard such thoughts. The same way an unbelieving married man wants more sex, that is the same way your born again husband will want sex, good food, respect and honor. So prepare yourself to meet the needs of your husband. Know the basic needs of a man and prepare your mind and body to meet those needs because you'll still find out that your husband (though born again) still have these needs.

Don't waste your single years. Maximize your single years. Invest in yourself. Work and earn money for yourself. Pursue your passions, goals, vision and dreams. Do not postpone the things you can do now till after marriage, because you may or may not have the privilege or opportunity to do them in marriage.

Shalom.

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